“Some Assembly Required”

Well, last night sure was an interesting endeavor! A couple weeks ago we ordered a bookshelf from Sears, and while we were in NS for the weekend I got an email saying it had arrived. Well, we didn’t get back into town on Sunday before 5, so the plan was to go pick it up after work. I usually get home around 5…

We got distracted.

Not that that’s a new and unusual state of being for us, but I ended up paying for it in the end. But can you blame me? The episode of Whose Line is it Anyway? with Robin Williams is on YouTube! We had no choice.

After a weekend of camera fun, I decided that documenting the evening would be lawl-tastic. However, Addison seemed mildly distressed at the antics on Whose Line?

However, upon further inspection, it was revealed that my antics were, in fact, the ones responsible for his distress. He then ignored the camera and all was well in the world…for now…

Suddenly it was 8 o’clock and we had no bookshelf! D’oh! The plan was to get the bookshelf and my books from storage, then assemble the two (that is, shelf and shelf with books). So off we go to Sears! One unassembled bookshelf, one giant book-filled suitcase and two book-filled laundry baskets later, we were back at the apartment building. It was now 8:45pm.

Now, I abhor (Did I spell that right? Abhor? Abhorr? No, I had it right) white trash as much as the next mildly-intelligent person. I mean, I did work at Wal-Mart. However, when you have that many heavy things that need to go up to the 2nd floor, why not take advantage of whatever means are at your disposal? And so what if said means happen to be a stolen shopping cart? In my defense, there are at least two in the basement. …Not sure what I’m defending there…

In the end we had 2 laundry baskets and 2 suitcases full of books, since I’d emptied one suitcase to go to NS. This was the resulting mess. Even with our large bedroom clean, this was going to become a bit spaciously difficult. So Addison decides that we need to assemble it in the kitchen…

…And tries to move it himself. He’s adorable, I know, but strong he ain’t. After a little assistant from your friendly neighbourhood camerawoman, we had the box in the livingroom.

Naturally, Addison (being the “sharp tool” he is) attacks the box with a sharp pair of not so much scissors as kitchen shears. Nothing like scratched finish to get the blood flowing! Oy.

I pulled the “instructions” out of the box, to reveal this (see above). This is an unaltered photo, folks, AND unaltered instructions. Notice the giant tear. I’m guessing somebody at a factory somewhere really didn’t want to be packaging unassembled bookshelves. Curse you, AquaScum.

So assembly continued. Addison explained the finer points of hammers (cabinet hammers are smaller than normal hammers), much to my boredom complete and total excitement.

“Didn’t you know, honey?” he said with a giant fake smile. “This is how these things work: the instructions are crap and you take it apart and put it together again everytime you screw up. Yay!”

Then our roommate, Jon, walked in. “Watcha doin’?” he asked. I explained my keen interest in documenting the project, which he seemed to find [very] mildly entertaining. He grabbed the camera and CLICK!

“I call this one ‘Confusion’,” he said.

Of course, Addison wasn’t too pleased with me when I kindly explained to him that he’d put the middle support shelf on backward. It’s not my fault that the screw needs to be BENEATH the shelf to support the weight! Gee whiz.

AND he’s just getting ready to screw on the second side of the last shelf when I point out that we (or he, whatever) appears to have the finished part of the shelves facing out, but the unfnished part of the side of the frame facing out. …Oops. Not that, y’know, we had to take the whole damn thing apart and put it back together again. Nope, nuh-uh, not us!

AND OF COURSE, this whole time he’d been screwing the shelves in perpendicular to the floor/frame, which not only did the instructions say not to do, but I thought would be fairly difficult. “Fine,” he said tightly, “why don’t we screw it together your way?” And we did.

FINALLY the frame was actually together! YAY! Then it became a mathematical enigma when we tried to space all the little tiny nails onto the backing around the frame. “There,” he said finally. “…How many nails do I have leftover?”

“…Nine?”

“DAMMIT!”

Teehee. But it got done. We even managed to carry the thing into the bedroom without much fuss. I put the shelves in myself any everything! (The hard part, as anyone will realize)

“Oh, oh,” said Addison, watching me put the shelves in, “Put them in the same place as the other shelves in the other case! Then it’ll be like we live in a library!” …Is it bad that that’s what we get excited over?

Addison made grilled cheese and I meticulously put my books onto the shelf. Finally I stood back and it was complete!:

TRIUMPH! Of course, at this point I’ve completely lost track of time, and it’s 11:45pm! Yikes!!!

About Kaytlyn

Hi there! I'm a 22 y/o Canadian computer programmer, and I currently work at a military base. I live on the east coast with my husband, and am an unsually friendly and outgoing person, lawl.
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One Response to “Some Assembly Required”

  1. Andrea says:

    YAY BOOKSHELVES!